When I was tucking my snugglebug into bed last Thursday, I reached to close the blinds and was transfixed by the sight out the window. The sky was a most stunning color pallet of reds, purples, and blues! Normally I would not even stop. However, recently, I have been contemplating what I’m doing with my life and why. I am homeschooling my children. I am trying to keep my house in working order. I am trying to run a successful business. Three worthy endeavors, any one of which should bring me fulfillment and joy, yet I felt fraught with trepidation and stress. For many months I’ve been feeling that my plate is too full. I’m not excelling in any area, I’m just getting by. I stood there, staring at the sunset, and decided it had been way too long since I’d taken a sunset photo.
I assembled my camera and framed my shots. I adjusted the exposure. I was calm and my head was clear. Focus followed. I thought about the three major contenders for my time. How much time does it take to keep the house at a “keep the kids fed and the toilets clean” level? How much time does it take to homeschool a 5th grader, Kindergartener, and a Preschooler? How much time does it take to run and grow a successful business in a market that is over saturated? Do I really need to sleep?
Needless to say, the number of hours needed exceeded the number of hours I have. By a ton. But how do I pick what to do? How do I cut back? Women all over the country are able to do all of these things without problems; what’s my deal?!??!?!? I don’t know. I do know that I want to focus more on my kids. Cook more meals at home. This year, I want to start to scrapbook again. I want to take more random photos of my family. I want to write down the funny things that my kids say (write them somewhere other than Facebook).
I love running a business. I have to keep my house decent. I feel that I am meant to homeschool my kids. Eventually, I will make all of these things work together in harmony, but for now, one of them (biz) is going to get a much smaller piece of the pie.
This year my oldest son will turn seventeen. Yesterday, he fit in the crook of my arm while I nursed him to sleep, in awe of what a perfect and tiny and beautiful creature God had sent me. Now, I have five beautiful “babies” (plus two in heaven). So quickly the moments are flying by, and I’m wasting them on stress. In a year, my camera will look the same, have the same features, take the same stunning photos that it does today. In that same year, my baby will turn from four to five. He will learn to count and to write. He will learn that he can do many things without Mommy. In a year he will be different, and I don’t want to miss those moments.
This year I will enjoy more sunsets, because they don’t last very long.