We just completed our first week back to “school”. It was amazing to go into it with new eyes, focused on the end goal of creating college-ready adults, rather than getting bogged down in the pressure of checklists and schedules. I am so thankful to be privileged enough to snuggle with my babies and read a book about the migration of Monarch butterflies, see their eyes widen when they learn that Chocolate comes from a tree (and now we have to visit Brazil), and grasp new concepts in math and reading. Yes, this week was wonderful. I’m guessing I have until Wednesday before I start pulling my hair out. As we start a new school year, I wish my fellow homeschooling moms peace, and to my friends who wave to the yellow bus every morning, I envy your serenity. 🙂
Emptiness
On Saturday morning I dropped Grayson off at his Dad’s house. Overwhelmed by emotion, I buried my face in my hands as Ryan pulled out of the driveway. The past two years raced through my mind, and I sobbed.
Isn’t it funny how we cope with the situations life throws us into? For the past two weeks, I’ve hardly picked up my camera, except for work. I’ve used a litany of excuses: It’s too heavy to lug around, it might get wet in the rain, it might melt in the hot car. I thought nothing of it until we arrived back home on Monday, and I ejected the CF card from my camera and inserted it into the reader on my computer. Not many images. I knew it was Grayson’s last days with me; and there were activities, parties, and just plain routines that I could have photographed to commemorate his last weeks. But, I didn’t. It hurt too much. I didn’t want the reminder. I still don’t. However, someday, someday soon, I will. I will pull up the 2012 folder, open August, and I will not see many events. There will be an empty space. Today, I walked into his room for the first time since he left. Still strewn with rifled clothes and toys, there, too, is an empty space. In time, my heart will move on. Someday, I will say I’m okay and it will be true. I will be able to spout my glass-is-half-full talking points and not feel bitter hatred. But, until he comes home, there will always be an empty space.
Seven Years and Counting…
On Monday, May 28, 2012, Ryan and I will celebrate our seven year anniversary.
I’m looking forward to the next segment of the journey. Happy Anniversary, Ryan!
Love,
Becky
A Day in the Life – Blog Circle Post
A couple of months ago I was added to a military spouse photographer networking group on facebook. Immediately, someone suggested a blog circle, and a few of us thought that was a fantastic idea! Designed to force photographers to focus on a personal project, a blog circle consists of several photographers. Each photographer takes a given theme, interprets it through images, and creates a blog post with those images. The post also includes a link to the next photographer’s blog, so it gives readers an interesting perspective on how different photographers can see topics so differently. Our first topic is “A Day in the Life” and, because my life is pretty boring, so is my post, but I think it captures an accurate portrayal. 🙂 I am going to try to do my posts with no explanation of the images, because I’m trying to become a better storyteller with photos. Enjoy!
Of course, these were not all taken on the same day (I’m not that talented)! I hope you enjoyed the post, and will check out all of the photographers’ images, starting with Serena Nicole!
Technical Note: For these images I used: Canon 7D body, Canon 5D Mark II body, Canon 85mm f/1.8 lens, Canon 50mm f/1.4 lens, Canon 70-200mm f/2.8 lens. Post processing included levels adjustments for a few (sunrise, path images), black and white gradient, and sharpening for the web.
The First Newborn
One of the most joyous benefits of what I do is that, everyday I get to be reminded of what it was like to bring my first newborn son home from the hospital. So many emotions quickened through my spirit. Joy. Fear. Happiness. Nervousness. Excitement. Incompetence. Everything. Which of these I felt at any particular moment, usually corresponded to how the baby was doing. If Logan was sleeping peacefully, I felt content and proud. I would lovingly gaze down at his sleeping form and think, “I am so damn good. Look what I did!” Contrastingly, when the baby was screaming, had been fed, diapered, burped, diapered again, and fed again, and was STILL screaming I felt as if I had been tasked with the impossible. “How can I do this? How am I supposed to know what he needs?!?!” My “mom” side just wanted the baby to be comfortable. When moms have a crying newborn everything in our being wants to make it right. We seek out the problem, we undress, redress, wipe down, feed, pacify, and repeat until we can find the source of distress. The first few weeks (months) of a baby’s life we do this, until at last we begin to recognize the cry of hunger, we can discern the angry scream, and we run to the howl of pain. There is no one day that a new mom wakes up and says, “Today, I know what I’m doing.” Rather, it’s a slow journey. A journey through many, many sleepless nights and days. A journey through hundreds of feedings and diapers. A journey through emotions she didn’t even know existed. Finally, after bolting upright out of bed and realizing that the newborn (and she) slept for six hours straight, she races to the bassinet to rest her hand on the peaceful rise and fall of the tiny chest. She releases the breath she did not realize she was holding, and thinks, “I can do this.” And she does.
Do-It-Myself Family Portraits {Part 4}
Finally, it was time for the big shoot. Raining almost all of spring break, the weather cleared up on the last day. Not only did the clouds part, the temperature started to rise, creating a perfect day for a photo shoot. I gave the big boys their shirts and told them to find the nicest jeans they had. Calmly, I dressed Abigail and fixed her hair. Ryan helped Thomas. Everyone donned their wardrobe with no fussing. Usually, there is a great amount of whining and complaining about family photos, but not this time. Every family member was… happy! Not wanting to lose the moment, I quickly packed my tripod and camera bag (checking to make sure I had memory cards and my remote shutter), and my reflector. In a sing-song voice I said, “Alright, everyone get in the van!” We went back to the base lake, where Ryan and I had done our photos. I used my 70-200mm lens on the Canon 5D Mark II. I wanted the lens to be partially zoomed, because the background blurs more when a lens is zoomed, but the reach of the remote is only 15 ft, so I couldn’t get much zoom from it. It took a few test shots, but I found the right balance. After the camera was set up, we started shooting.
It’s difficult to get seven people looking at the camera when I’m standing behind it, so you can imagine the “excitement” of trying to get seven family members to look at a camera standing on its own in the middle of a grove of trees. Again, Ryan had the remote and we shot about 44 family images before everyone started to tire. I then quickly tried to get all five kids together, which resulted in some interesting shots. Abigail has decided that she needs to strike a pose every time she sees the camera, so my ideal of candid images fell flat. When I gave up on that image, Ryan took Abby and Thomas for a walk and I was able to get some great images of my boys together. I enjoyed this part of the session. We had fun, and I was able to capture some images that show their personalities. When the sun had set behind the trees, I gathered all five together to try to get one last image on the bridge, and finally a shot of Abby and Thomas together. Then we packed everything back up, let the kids play on the playground for a few minutes and headed home. I was exhausted.
I immediately downloaded the images to my computer and perused the gallery. Out of the 44 family images, there were five acceptable shots, but only three that I really liked, but all I really needed was one, so I suppose the mission was a success. After further reviewing the images of all five kids together, there wasn’t one that I loved. So, the next morning I casually gathered up the “picture clothes” and non-nonchalantly started handing out the shirts to the big boys. When I started dressing Abigail, she buckled and wailed, “But we already did pictures!” “We’re just going to walk to the end of the street.”, I responded. “Ten minutes.” I walked them down, Ryan held the reflector, and I got some more posed shots of them. That is also when I was able to capture Ryan with Abby and Thomas. At last, we were finished with the family portrait sessions! Three (and a half) shoots, five hours, one sitter, 484 shots.
Look back at the original post to my list of desired shots and see the shots I didn’t get. One more reason to hire a photographer. She would have made sure Mommy got the shots I wanted. 🙂 The next blog post in this series will discuss editing and ordering the prints. Here are some of my favorite images from our family session: